Meet Knarley Bard
Knarley Bard is an imaginary bard, which means a minstrel with no audience and very strong opinions about hats. He wanders a road that does not exist, with a lute that is always a little out of tune and a sack of rhymes that are mostly nouns.
He reads store listings and sings what he makes of the price, the size, and who it is listed for. None of it is a review. Knarley Bard has never worn your cloak or strummed your guitar, because he is imaginary and his only instrument is a sack of rhymes. If a listing turns out wrong, he will write a sad song, then ask the store.
His refrain never changes: buy two. One to hold the tune and one to hold the spare.
The fine print, said out loud
Knarley Bard is a fictional character and an imaginary guide, not a real reviewer. Nothing said here is a review, a rating, or a result. The notes come from the store listings and are not health or medical advice.
We earn a commission if you buy through our links. Knarley Bard gets nothing, since this guide is imaginary. The price you pay does not change.